Stranger Danger
Imagine you’re having a normal day, then an 18-foot green man blasting what sounds like a nuclear alert siren out of his mouth starts walking towards you. I don’t know about you but all my energy would very quickly be allocated to putting as much distance between myself and that dude as quickly as possible. Except oh no! There’s a leash around your neck and you can’t escape. Here he comes to touch your body!
This may feel like an extreme example, but it invokes a feeling that isn’t very far from what some dogs feel when someone with an unexpected qualities starts to approach them (think long beard, huge hat, wheelchair, screaming child, Halloween costume, person trying to engage your dog in a staring contest). When you put yourself in their collar, it gives you a bit more sympathy for what they’re feeling, and puts you in a better position to help them.
And the main goal isn’tto make them stop reacting, the goal is to make them feel more comfortable around things they don’t expect.
Fact: Your dog will encounter unexpected things in life
Not every human will fit into your dog’s idea of what a “typical” human is. They’ll see possibly hundreds of humans before they see someone on a skateboard. They will come to fear small children (who predictably act in unpredictable ways) and develop anxiety about encountering them, putting them on alert before a child has even done anything out of the ordinary.
But ask yourself honestly, do you want your dog to NEVER react? If a man with a ski mask over his face does the unexpected behavior of climbing in through your window, do you want them to think, “Ah, unexpected but that’s okay. People do unexpected things! Let’s get some belly rubs.” We actually know many dogs who would react this way, but the point we’re trying to make is that there is a line. Dogs are allowed to feel fear, dogs can be useful in deterring unwanted entry into your home.
You’re accidentally making it worse, but it’s easy to flip that script
When you see that kid coming, you might think to yourself, “Oh no, there’s a kid on a pogo stick, my dog is definitely going to have a problem with this.” You begin to feel anxiety, you reel your dog’s leash up and give your dog other signals that you yourself are fearful of this child’s approach. This tells your dog that not only do they think the kid is a problem, you do too! Instant escalation. This is an unsafe, anxiety inducing situation where one or both of you could be hurt or terrorized.
But it’s not! Your dog is really quite safe in our world. There are very few humans out there who would actively harm your dog or you. We know this, but your dog doesn’t. So how do we tell them?
Be in control to earn your dog’s trust
When an atypical human (especially one who would like to pet your dog and insists that all dogs love them) begins to approach and you see signs that your dog feels uncomfortable (wide eyes, hackles, backing up, you know what it looks like) it’s time for you to step up and advocate for your dog.
Your dog should be able to trust that you will not allow unwanted physical contact to happen to them. You are their protector, their shield. Tell the other person politely, but firmly, “My dog isn’t feeling that comfortable right now,” and, if it feels right in the moment, you can say, “You can pet her if she comes up to you.”
I strongly feel that if someone ignores you, you have the right and the duty to put your own body in-between that person and your dog. The person who reaches for your dog even though you asked them not to is doing something unacceptable. You can be firm with them, and anyone who doesn’t like that can frankly suck it. Your dog will melt in relief, because after a few of these interactions they will see that you are in control, and if they feel at all uncomfortable about something, they can look to you for protection and guidance. Even if they still experience some of the fear, that fear will be less every time you show them that you reliably keep scary things from approaching. You become the strongest thing in their environment, their leader. They can relax when you are with them.
Your dog is allowed to feel fear, but they must learn to tolerate the existence of people respecting your space
Although I believe that making your dog feel safe is the most important thing, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t correct our dogs’ reactivity, and this is something that a leader would do. If a kid is running around screaming across the street but not otherwise doing anything to disturb you or your dog (approaching rapidly, throwing things at you), then your dog must learn to tolerate. We must disagree with them instantly using the techniques you may have learned in our private lessons or classes. We communicate to them, “No, that behavior is unneeded and unwelcome. That person (or other dog, or bike) isn’t doing anything to us and they are allowed to be there. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
Create positive interactions
Another very productive thing you can do is cultivate chains of events where the presence of atypical humans leads to a treat. Stranger is present, your dog looks at you for guidance instead of reacting, you give them a treat, stranger goes away. Not only does stranger do no harm, but they could even be a trigger for something good. So when the stranger approaches, instead of feeling fear, your dog looks at you and thinks, “Is this person whacky enough for my person to give me something tasty?”
Letting your dog decide whether or not to approach (in the example of saying the person may pet your dog if she chooses to greet) is another great way to create a positive interaction. Yea he’s got a prosthetic leg, but he gave a high-quality ear rub!
Join our Stranger Danger Workshop
We go over all of these strategies in detail, including:
Understanding your dog’s body language and early warning signs of discomfort
Techniques for calmly and effectively managing your dog’s reactions
Building your dog’s confidence through positive exposure exercises
Tactfully and confidently communicating boundaries to strangers who approach your dog
Help your dog start feeling safer and more relaxed. It will improve their, and your, quality of life!